Being in The Big Movie

         In my website (www.yourcreativelifecoach.com) there is a page called In Your Fashion, dedicated to coaching as a path toward truthful self-knowledge and self-appreciation. Often, it takes illness or a milestone birthday to stop us in our tracks, realizing that our self-identity is not completely intact. If we don’t reflect regularly on our actions and mental habits, it’s easy to find that life has swept us along, demanding our attention for problem solving, family needs, and work issues, and left us devoid of a solid self-identity. But regular contemplation and time out for ‘soul searching’ seem to be luxuries we can’t afford. Then a son graduates from high school, or a daughter has her first child, and “OMG! Who am I now?” At those moments the clothing we wear informs the way we see ourselves, and it's easy to identify as the person we were five or ten years ago when those clothes were right for us.

When I was fourteen I had a revelation in Algebra class. Suddenly, I knew what I wanted to do with my life: I wanted to be a costume designer. (Okay, I probably wasn’t paying attention to the teacher.) I won’t go into how that vision was washed out of my brain, but recently, I realized that it is still with me. The costume designer’s point of view is still working from the recesses of my mind. I realize that I see life as the big movie, and clothing is far more than what keeps us from getting arrested, it is the costuming of our movie. My years studying Method Acting may be playing a part in this, too, but it's true that when a new character comes into our life, we scan for all available clues to learn about him or her. Take a moment to think of the first time you saw your beloved. How he or she looked gave you a hit, a moment of really seeing someone. (Remember Ilsa when she first walks into Rick’s place in Casa Blanca.) Clothing and grooming are not just part of the first impression, they are part of the overall picture. And it’s not just what is worn, but how it is worn, and what condition it’s in. The next time you watch a movie, pay conscious attention to how you read the characters. The costume designer chose each piece of clothing purposefully, and the actor wears a posture for that character. 

Of course, people read us, too. When we throw on an old pair of jeans for Thanksgiving dinner, or wear a dress that’s fifteen years old, we may be saying something about ourselves that’s very unflattering, or we’re revealing a truth we think we want to conceal: the occasion’s not important to us, or we're mad at our family. Sometimes there’s only one aspect of self-identity that deters us from holding onto old clothes: our weight. If we can’t fit into that dress or those jeans, we're forced to deal with a change, but HERE IS THE POINT: buying a bigger size is not the same as knowing and respecting the new person we’ve become.

            This isn’t about fashion. That’s why the page is called “In Your Fashion”. This is about letting go of the past “you”, and expressing the new “you” through conscious choices. We’ve all had a certain piece of clothing that stands out in our mind because of how it made us feel: self-confident, attractive, smart, powerful, seductive. Imagine having a closet full of those garments. Not that we must have such a wardrobe, but we can eliminate all things that fail to elevate our sense of self-confidence and self-worth. Wear things that connect with all the aspects of who you are. It’s your movie, and we're costuming you for your high school reunion, every day.